I love this, Shilpa - I wish I could actually do it! Here's my query: When people have very different histories and have learned different ways of thinking and seeing the world, how do we manouever around personalities and cultural habits - including our own unconscious ones? I'm a RussianJew, for example, and love to ferret out the "arguments" to someone else's point of view - it's actually a rich way of digging deeper, and kind of 'in the blood.' I've an artist's temperament and mindset, and having a conversation with a more methodical thinker - scientists, for example- part of the fun for each of us is discerning the arguments, and then gojng at it. As you know, I was married to one for 57 years! So it's that subtle discernment that interests me, but is not so easy to manifest day to day. I'm still a student at this, after all these years, essentially wishing to push the boundaries of what we consider "correct" or 'the truth." These days I am trying to learn how to determine when it is in everyone's interest to tickle around those boundaries, and when it is not. I miss you!
Thank you for this Richard. <3. It reminds me of the Hawaiian healing prayer song, Ho'oponopono - I'm so sorry, I love you, Please forgive me, and Thank you.
Thank you dear Carolyn! I appreciate what you are saying. I don't know if it's about 'the truth', for me, but rather about the co-existence of multiple truths -- and the sense that we are hurt by others and we hurt others. So forgiveness and truth-sharing and truth-listening all go hand and hand. It's a lot about the listening I think. Not to win or be right, more to learn and be curious together. I think that's the heart of your practice too. To me, the question of boundaries is one to discern and co-create with each person in relationship... Forgiveness just can provide a softening as we step on each other's toes in this dance of life! :)
Shilpa, I deeply appreciate your wisdom enrobed in gentleness. I love that Paryushan coincides with Yom Kippur. I learn from the teachings of Maimonides about forgiveness in the Jewish traditions and Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg’s fabulous book, On Repentance and Repair, offers an in-depth perspective informed by a restorative lens. I highly recommend it.
Thank you dear Leaf. I love thinking about these powerful intersections. Not a coincidence. And thank you for the book recommendation. This linkage between Repentance and Repair is right-on in my heart. <3
Love this, Shilpa! Especially this: "I want to say, my friend, we will all cause harm, and we will all be harmed by each other. So, instead of kicking someone out, how could we listen and learn, heal through the pain, ask and offer forgiveness, and find love on the other side? Because, for me, if we're ultimately not finding the love, then what does any of our social justice work matter?" I'm also realizing that I often choose to ignore and "move on"--which is not the same as forgiveness.
Thanks for sharing that reflection, Jamie! Ignoring and moving on is so understandable. I hear that and would love to hear more about how that shows up for you.
i’ve always wondered about giving before- fore giving. i’m grateful for earth training that understands everything is already given to us including the orneriness of humanity. If i want to be in reciprocity with life i’d better not stop the flow of generosity by holding any thing. it hurts me to stop the flow. my teacher invites a hard thing. love your enemies. it’s
truly a full time job. brilliant share shilpa: grateful for your jain lineage.
Thank you Cynthia! I like that 'fore-giving' -- that's a beautiful link. Maybe that's the generosity -- giving and receiving of the forgiveness before, during, and after the hurt. That's what keeps the flow flowing. <3
Thank you so much Shilpa for this offering. It really touched me and, its an important reminder of something important that gets lost so often. Resentment calcifies. It's even harder sometimes to want to go forth in the process of forgiveness among those who don't share these similar perspectives, not to say that anyone is better, it's just I find it hard to want to reach a level of vulnerability when it may not be returned or understood... this is where I get stuck. I know how I want to be in this world but, this act of forgiveness takes a lot of courage to do things in another way... anyway, thank you for this 🙏🏾✨ hope you're so well!
I love that - "Resentment calcifies." So well said Tyler! And I hear you on wanting to be met in this vulnerability and spirit of forgiveness. Maybe it's about slowing down and offering the invitation and waiting for the other person to accept it before diving in? Making sure the container is there for both of you -- as a reflection of what you both/want and need. That's the slow part sometimes. And worth it at the end of the day. Thank you for your courage in sharing this. Let's grow more of that courage together! :)
I love this, Shilpa - I wish I could actually do it! Here's my query: When people have very different histories and have learned different ways of thinking and seeing the world, how do we manouever around personalities and cultural habits - including our own unconscious ones? I'm a RussianJew, for example, and love to ferret out the "arguments" to someone else's point of view - it's actually a rich way of digging deeper, and kind of 'in the blood.' I've an artist's temperament and mindset, and having a conversation with a more methodical thinker - scientists, for example- part of the fun for each of us is discerning the arguments, and then gojng at it. As you know, I was married to one for 57 years! So it's that subtle discernment that interests me, but is not so easy to manifest day to day. I'm still a student at this, after all these years, essentially wishing to push the boundaries of what we consider "correct" or 'the truth." These days I am trying to learn how to determine when it is in everyone's interest to tickle around those boundaries, and when it is not. I miss you!
Dear Shilpa,
Thank you for this deep dive. It inspired the following words:
Please forgive me
for not understanding who you are
for not accepting who you are
for not loving who you are
for not understanding who I am
for not accepting who I am
for not loving who I am
for not understanding who I am in you
for not accepting who I am in you
for not loving who I am in you
for not understanding who you are in me
for not accepting who you are in me
for not loving who you are in me
for not practicing to transform
what does not serve Life
Thank you for this Richard. <3. It reminds me of the Hawaiian healing prayer song, Ho'oponopono - I'm so sorry, I love you, Please forgive me, and Thank you.
Thank you dear Carolyn! I appreciate what you are saying. I don't know if it's about 'the truth', for me, but rather about the co-existence of multiple truths -- and the sense that we are hurt by others and we hurt others. So forgiveness and truth-sharing and truth-listening all go hand and hand. It's a lot about the listening I think. Not to win or be right, more to learn and be curious together. I think that's the heart of your practice too. To me, the question of boundaries is one to discern and co-create with each person in relationship... Forgiveness just can provide a softening as we step on each other's toes in this dance of life! :)
Shilpa, I deeply appreciate your wisdom enrobed in gentleness. I love that Paryushan coincides with Yom Kippur. I learn from the teachings of Maimonides about forgiveness in the Jewish traditions and Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg’s fabulous book, On Repentance and Repair, offers an in-depth perspective informed by a restorative lens. I highly recommend it.
Thank you dear Leaf. I love thinking about these powerful intersections. Not a coincidence. And thank you for the book recommendation. This linkage between Repentance and Repair is right-on in my heart. <3
Love this, Shilpa! Especially this: "I want to say, my friend, we will all cause harm, and we will all be harmed by each other. So, instead of kicking someone out, how could we listen and learn, heal through the pain, ask and offer forgiveness, and find love on the other side? Because, for me, if we're ultimately not finding the love, then what does any of our social justice work matter?" I'm also realizing that I often choose to ignore and "move on"--which is not the same as forgiveness.
Thanks for sharing that reflection, Jamie! Ignoring and moving on is so understandable. I hear that and would love to hear more about how that shows up for you.
i’ve always wondered about giving before- fore giving. i’m grateful for earth training that understands everything is already given to us including the orneriness of humanity. If i want to be in reciprocity with life i’d better not stop the flow of generosity by holding any thing. it hurts me to stop the flow. my teacher invites a hard thing. love your enemies. it’s
truly a full time job. brilliant share shilpa: grateful for your jain lineage.
Thank you Cynthia! I like that 'fore-giving' -- that's a beautiful link. Maybe that's the generosity -- giving and receiving of the forgiveness before, during, and after the hurt. That's what keeps the flow flowing. <3
Thank you so much Shilpa for this offering. It really touched me and, its an important reminder of something important that gets lost so often. Resentment calcifies. It's even harder sometimes to want to go forth in the process of forgiveness among those who don't share these similar perspectives, not to say that anyone is better, it's just I find it hard to want to reach a level of vulnerability when it may not be returned or understood... this is where I get stuck. I know how I want to be in this world but, this act of forgiveness takes a lot of courage to do things in another way... anyway, thank you for this 🙏🏾✨ hope you're so well!
I love that - "Resentment calcifies." So well said Tyler! And I hear you on wanting to be met in this vulnerability and spirit of forgiveness. Maybe it's about slowing down and offering the invitation and waiting for the other person to accept it before diving in? Making sure the container is there for both of you -- as a reflection of what you both/want and need. That's the slow part sometimes. And worth it at the end of the day. Thank you for your courage in sharing this. Let's grow more of that courage together! :)