Shilpa dear, this has such huge revelations for me and, I would imagine, many of us. I’ve been wading through my own these past 2 weeks, and for me it has come down to forgiveness of others, and thus forgiveness of myself. Seeing how much of the problem has been acknowledgement of my own envy for…whatever…and in the process recognizing the envy of others for my own whatevers. And they would be right in envying my good luck with this and that, just as it makes real sense that I would envy…dotdotdot…or folks would envy your beauty and brilliance.
Happens all the time. I ask myself, how big can I be and be glad for another’s fortune when I have been hurt or igored in the process?
I guess we all struggle with variations on this theme, so how do we get beyond it? Personally, I have no answers, but I know the dilemma is real and it stinks in all directions. Denying it does not help, but what has helped for me recently, is something like this:
People who are hurting, hurt people. Do I envy a hurting friend? Nope. Do I miss her/him? Yup. So maybe that’s the reality, and I’ve got other things to do right now, so maybe there’s a shelf to put that on for the time being, and focus on stuff that’s a lot more interesting to me in the moment.
Thanks for this Carolyn. You remind me of how we can go deeper when we are around people who are hurting and that hurt is affecting us, just as we can go deeper when we are hurting and that hurt is affecting us and others. Also, the deep and beautiful work of forgiveness. I'll try to write something about this in my upcoming pieces. Thank you for the insights!
Shilpa dear, this has such huge revelations for me and, I would imagine, many of us. I’ve been wading through my own these past 2 weeks, and for me it has come down to forgiveness of others, and thus forgiveness of myself. Seeing how much of the problem has been acknowledgement of my own envy for…whatever…and in the process recognizing the envy of others for my own whatevers. And they would be right in envying my good luck with this and that, just as it makes real sense that I would envy…dotdotdot…or folks would envy your beauty and brilliance.
Happens all the time. I ask myself, how big can I be and be glad for another’s fortune when I have been hurt or igored in the process?
I guess we all struggle with variations on this theme, so how do we get beyond it? Personally, I have no answers, but I know the dilemma is real and it stinks in all directions. Denying it does not help, but what has helped for me recently, is something like this:
People who are hurting, hurt people. Do I envy a hurting friend? Nope. Do I miss her/him? Yup. So maybe that’s the reality, and I’ve got other things to do right now, so maybe there’s a shelf to put that on for the time being, and focus on stuff that’s a lot more interesting to me in the moment.
Thanks for this Carolyn. You remind me of how we can go deeper when we are around people who are hurting and that hurt is affecting us, just as we can go deeper when we are hurting and that hurt is affecting us and others. Also, the deep and beautiful work of forgiveness. I'll try to write something about this in my upcoming pieces. Thank you for the insights!
Healing fantasies- a very helpful frame!