Holding Accountability in Turbulent Times

Making space, giving grace, seeking solidarity

I let my nervous system get hijacked this last week.

I went down the rabbit hole of reels — watching short videos of everything from the US Senate confirmation hearings of inept and horrible potential ‘leaders’, to media commentators on the economic implications of tariffs and mass deportation, to comedians creating amusing sketches on the (so-called) US president’s actions of these last few weeks. And then came the abhorrent proposals for Gaza, the shutdown of the Center for Disease Control, the takeover of the Treasury Department… I started feeling myself get amped up, shouting about all of the madness and distraction, and then realized it was working — I was getting mad and distracted.

The thing that really ticked me off was clips of MAGA folks / Trump voters being like, “Oh, wait! I didn’t know he was going to cut Social Security and Medicare.” “Oh no! He would never deport the cheap labor I rely on for agriculture.” “I didn’t think this would lead to racial profiling of all immigrants — it was just supposed to be the criminals.” “Wait! I just thought he was talking about getting rid of Obamacare, not the Affordable Care Act.” [People have really said these things. I know, I know, you can’t make this stuff up.]

And to all of them, my gut reaction first was, “You selfish jerks! [or something stronger and inappropriate for Substack] Now that it affects you, you are saying you’re not okay with it. But when it was going to affect so many other people — all those people who you consider to be below you — then it didn’t matter to you what was destroyed or gutted, or how much violence and suffering was unleashed. You only care when it’s about you. GGGGRRRRRRR!!!!”

Of course, there is nowhere for me to voice that (except for here). And, as good as it can feel temporarily to rant and rave, at the end of the day, it is exhausting. It doesn’t alleviate my anger or dread, much less give me a sense of hope or energy to act productively. So, I have been taking deep breaths, tuning into my body, heart, and spirit, and asking myself, “What do I really need right now? What kind of personal, interpersonal, and systemic transformation can I nurture? Where can I turn my attention and intention towards?”

And what came to me was accountability. I have written about the process of freeing myself from my inner critic in order to foster accountability, and how each one of us can has the opportunity to do that, to take responsibility for our choices and move towards healing. There is work to be done by each person — from those who feel hurt to those who did the hurting — to transform brokenness into wholeness and to repair the relational field. Accountability is a 360 degree, full-circle kind of experience — and it is totally different from finger-pointing and punishing. Actually, when it’s done well, it brings us closer together, regardless of where we started.

So, when there is a president who was elected by 50% of the country, and some of those people are now questioning their choice, I have to ask myself if I feel open to practicing that kind of accountability? As I sat with it, I realize my answer is yes. If given the chance to co-create repair and ways forward with those who voted in this chaos, I would do it. Honestly, I don’t know what else I could do besides joining together with anyone who wants to stop the massive suffering that is underway right now, regardless of where they started. So any Trump voters out there who are having 2nd, 3rd, and 4th thoughts, hit me up. We can move past opinions and ideas of right and wrong, share our stories and learnings/unlearnings, and work towards accountability and repair.

This realization brought me to another reflection. In a meeting I was in last week, there was a disagreement about the term ‘safe space’ vs. the term ‘brave space’. One person insisted that we could only have ‘brave’ space because that meant we were willing to take risks and be uncomfortable with speaking our truths and listening to others’ difficult truths, while the other person was wondering if it could be both ‘safe’ and ‘brave’ — that we could create conditions of welcome and security and that could support people to express themselves and listen courageously.

While listening to both folks in the moment, it came to me that I wanted ‘grace space’ — to not get caught up on words and instead focus more on the heart and spirit of what is being offered. Grace has so many meanings, including elegant movement, giving thanks, a spirit of goodwill, and the positive favor of the divine. It’s a nod to the mystery of the unknown, and the truth of never being able to fully know each other’s capacities, limits, and experiences, and to staying open to ourselves and others changing. I want to invoke a combination of all of these meanings of grace, in and for myself, and with others in the world — both those who have been working with me and/or those who want to work with me now.

Actually, going deeper still, the operative word here is ‘space’: How to build in more space for the incredible complexity present in each person, in our relationships, and in this world? How, in my words, thoughts, and actions, can I grow more of this most precious element? (In Ayurveda and other ancient Indian traditions, space is the 5th element; in ancient Greek cosmology, it is called spirit or aether. In both cases, it is a core part of understanding the world, along with earth, air, fire, and water.)

I sense that space is the key to accountability. The more space in me, the more space I can open for others, for their learning, mistakes, and work to repair. And the more space that others create for themselves, the more space they can open up for me: to exist, to contribute, connect, and also to learn, make mistakes, and repair. In the long days and weeks that lie ahead, I want to be generating space everywhere I can (and navigating through it with my Compass of Compassion). In this space, the one that I make for you and you make for me, I believe we can sow the seeds of connection and relationship, and from there, make our way to accountability and repair. It reminds of one of my favorite lines from my friend Kazu Haga’s book, Healing Resistance, “Hold accountability as an act of love. Think of ‘hold’ as the critical word, not ‘accountability.’ We want to hold each other and create space for our growth.”

Not surprisingly, a week ago, the New York Times published an article: “A Wealthy and Unhappy Nation: What a New Study Found about America.” Bringing together a politically diverse committee of experts, the study shared that the US has steadily increased its GDP over the last 30+ years, currently ranks 2nd in GDP in the world (1st is China), is far richer, per person, than China or India — and fares less well in almost every other realm, including health, happiness and social trust.

I feel like this study is right on time and is inviting accountability at every level. If this country has pursued wealth above all else — and one could argue that has been true since the first Europeans came here, enslaving Africans and killing and dispossessing Native peoples — then where has it led? Now, here, in 2025, the US’s wealthiest men are destroying millions of peoples’ lives, both here and around the world, with their pathological greed — which is visible in every aspect of the chaos unfolding right now. (Ironically, they don’t even look remotely happy or well themselves, so I guess that proves the point? The personal, interpersonal and systemic strikes again!)

I don’t know how exactly we will hold this administration and its cronies accountable for the impact of their actions — though the dozens of lawsuits filed so far are trying — notwithstanding the 4000+ lawsuits that Trump has already been/is involved in. (Really, you can’t make this stuff up.) I may only have a small role to play at that level, though, of course, I will do whatever I can from wherever I am.

However, I know I can do something at this level, with the people around me and those who are realizing the implications of their choices. I can recognize my own role in closing doors or building bridges, making judgements or opening my heart, at each moment. I can notice where the pursuit of wealth and comfort above health and relationship has shown up in me and with my family, and generate empathy for that fear and scarcity. I can make more space, offer grace, and do what I can to nurture both the holding and the accountability.

I always have the choice between flowing forgiveness and righteous indignation. And even while I may hang out in the latter energy for a bit — because it does feel good temporarily — I ultimately know I don’t want to freeze others in one moment, or get frozen myself, and so I turn towards release, healing, and accountability. It means letting go of a one-upmanship around pain — “mine is worse than yours,” “yours is more important than mine” — since that only builds the ground for polarization, isolation, vengeance, and violence.

Instead, I want to practice an accountability that leads to solidarity — where all of our pain is taken into account together, and we see that the threads of our healing are tied up together (‘Bound Up’, as the amazing Wildchoir sings). An accountability that fosters solidarity, comes from turning to each other and bearing witness to each other’s pain. From there, it is possible to co-create reciprocal and mutually beneficial pathways forward. Accountability towards solidarity is infused with grace and space, and it rests in the deepest truths of interconnection and oneness. I love how Satish Kumar, founder of Schumacher College, put it: “You are, therefore I am.” Rather than feed the beast of scarcity and hierarchy, we can swim in the messy and beautiful river of humanity and weave our beings into bridges of wholeness.

At the very least, it’ll be better than going down the rabbit hole.

What would ‘grace space’ look like for you? Where can you imagine holding accountability and growing solidarity in this moment, for yourself and with others? I’d love to hear in the comments if you’re willing to share.