Dear Shilpa, thank you for your invitation. In my experience projections are none other than stories, which may or may not be conscious. As I love to tell stories, I have a lot of projections, many of which are about myself. However, as I'm subject to constant change, these stories can never describe me as I am. This is also true of the stories I have of others including those I know best. On top of that, these stories about others may be totally fictional, more autobiographical (what I would think, say, or do in their place) than biographical. When I think to ask it of myself, there is one question that has the potential to keep me out of trouble: "Richard, are you sure?"
Great question, Richard! I love it -- and see how it can be so helpful as a way to slow down. And I love your insight about projections being unconscious and conscious stories. Each of us is a great fiction writer, eh? :) It feels good to recognize that and slow it down, especially when the train starts running fast and going off the track.
Loved this so much, Shilpa! I have been thinking a lot lately about how to give feedback in a way that is not just the assertion of rightness and wrongness but that supports clarity and connection. Thank you for your incredible insight. <3
Thank you Jamie! It really hit me the other day that this is what feedback is for -- I'm so glad it worked for you too. If you're willing, please share more how it goes when you go into a feedback conversation with that intention for clarity and connection.
i also like having weekly times set aside for check-ins ... to give peace of mind that there is an allocated "appropriate" time for it ... rather than always being an "awkward time" .... cos there seems NEVER to be a good time to face big painful issues ... hence the perpetual avoidance .
and allocated appropriate time makes it more likely we are ready for the shock , and less likely to be caught off balance .
and if there is no conflict to deal with that week , then the group can celebrate and do something fun together instead .
building trust also huge , to earn credits with each other's emotional bank balances ... and to build up trust savings so that conflicts don't push us into our overdrafts , with recurring penalties associated .
Dear Shilpa, thank you for your invitation. In my experience projections are none other than stories, which may or may not be conscious. As I love to tell stories, I have a lot of projections, many of which are about myself. However, as I'm subject to constant change, these stories can never describe me as I am. This is also true of the stories I have of others including those I know best. On top of that, these stories about others may be totally fictional, more autobiographical (what I would think, say, or do in their place) than biographical. When I think to ask it of myself, there is one question that has the potential to keep me out of trouble: "Richard, are you sure?"
Great question, Richard! I love it -- and see how it can be so helpful as a way to slow down. And I love your insight about projections being unconscious and conscious stories. Each of us is a great fiction writer, eh? :) It feels good to recognize that and slow it down, especially when the train starts running fast and going off the track.
Loved this so much, Shilpa! I have been thinking a lot lately about how to give feedback in a way that is not just the assertion of rightness and wrongness but that supports clarity and connection. Thank you for your incredible insight. <3
Thank you Jamie! It really hit me the other day that this is what feedback is for -- I'm so glad it worked for you too. If you're willing, please share more how it goes when you go into a feedback conversation with that intention for clarity and connection.
"Tiny Beautiful Poos" should be Cheryl Strayed's next book. So good.
Ha! That's exactly what Minna and I had in mind, Nicole! :)
more gold , thanks shilpa !
timeliness is so important , as you say .
i also like having weekly times set aside for check-ins ... to give peace of mind that there is an allocated "appropriate" time for it ... rather than always being an "awkward time" .... cos there seems NEVER to be a good time to face big painful issues ... hence the perpetual avoidance .
and allocated appropriate time makes it more likely we are ready for the shock , and less likely to be caught off balance .
and if there is no conflict to deal with that week , then the group can celebrate and do something fun together instead .
building trust also huge , to earn credits with each other's emotional bank balances ... and to build up trust savings so that conflicts don't push us into our overdrafts , with recurring penalties associated .