Thank you for this - and for you, altogether, Shilpa! Hearing again your wisdom about blaming and attacking - such familiar territory for me! - I pose to you and everyone this dilemma of the moment: How do I respond to someone whose attitude towards me, shouts out: "I'm the boss around here, and don't you forget it!" What I hear beneath the power-play is something like, "There is only room for one Queen in this Kingdom, and I am IT!"
Our cultural difference, given that we are both Caucasian women born in the US, is a religious one between Christian and Jew, both are intelligent, good hearted "leader" types, both well liked - or loved - by our friends. But we are not friends. So, the dilemma remains because she speaks in a fast manner and listens not at all; I speak slowly, and do most of the listening - in other words, how do people with different personalities and different modes of relating get past the personality barriers, even when they are from the same culture?
Thanks so much for sharing this, dear Carolyn! I think from what you shared above, the first example of power play and the second example of under the surface sound more or less the same. Which makes me think that there is much more under the surface. I wonder about naming your experience more directly -- your own and what you're experiencing from her -- and asking her what might be going on for her, from a place of curiosity and desire to connect? I imagine she has never been asked about what is going under the surface of all that talking and so little listening -- and sitting over here, I see it as some kind of avoidance of some part of herself and/or some part of her relationship with you. I'd be curious about it and wonder if you could just ask?
Ooph wow, this one really hits home for me today. Thank you for sharing this beautiful reflection. It has me thinking about an ongoing conflict with my partner about where we are going to live. I keep blaming them for being indecisive and making our decision making process really challenging, but fundamentally I think I am grieving losing connection to land that I feel sacredly and spiritually connected to, in order to chose our partnership and a life we are building together.
Thank you so much for sharing this Nicole. I hear you on both the places of blame and the places of grief... I wonder what might shift as you tune into and share more of that grief? Here for any support you might need. <3
This powerful wise post reminds me of Sarah Peyton’s line: Blame tells us what we do not want to mourn.
I love that Leaf. Thank you!
Thank you for this - and for you, altogether, Shilpa! Hearing again your wisdom about blaming and attacking - such familiar territory for me! - I pose to you and everyone this dilemma of the moment: How do I respond to someone whose attitude towards me, shouts out: "I'm the boss around here, and don't you forget it!" What I hear beneath the power-play is something like, "There is only room for one Queen in this Kingdom, and I am IT!"
Our cultural difference, given that we are both Caucasian women born in the US, is a religious one between Christian and Jew, both are intelligent, good hearted "leader" types, both well liked - or loved - by our friends. But we are not friends. So, the dilemma remains because she speaks in a fast manner and listens not at all; I speak slowly, and do most of the listening - in other words, how do people with different personalities and different modes of relating get past the personality barriers, even when they are from the same culture?
Thanks so much for sharing this, dear Carolyn! I think from what you shared above, the first example of power play and the second example of under the surface sound more or less the same. Which makes me think that there is much more under the surface. I wonder about naming your experience more directly -- your own and what you're experiencing from her -- and asking her what might be going on for her, from a place of curiosity and desire to connect? I imagine she has never been asked about what is going under the surface of all that talking and so little listening -- and sitting over here, I see it as some kind of avoidance of some part of herself and/or some part of her relationship with you. I'd be curious about it and wonder if you could just ask?
Ooph wow, this one really hits home for me today. Thank you for sharing this beautiful reflection. It has me thinking about an ongoing conflict with my partner about where we are going to live. I keep blaming them for being indecisive and making our decision making process really challenging, but fundamentally I think I am grieving losing connection to land that I feel sacredly and spiritually connected to, in order to chose our partnership and a life we are building together.
Thank you so much for sharing this Nicole. I hear you on both the places of blame and the places of grief... I wonder what might shift as you tune into and share more of that grief? Here for any support you might need. <3